He was standing in our driveway when we got home. Todd and I got out of the car and the three of us hugged. Our friend Z was visiting from Seattle, and he had been waiting for us to return from my work’s annual client dinner.
I met Z on tour with Fond Han in Bellingham, Washington. He was the only New Jersey native who had come out to the show that night. I remember meeting him and instantly feeling a sense of excitement and desire to explore who he was. Z is a bit shorter than I am, with fierce, dark features and light brown skin. Honestly, it probably were his eyes that hooked me. Docile, bright and big, but harboring a quiet sense of debauchery & playfulness.
He is closer friends with Todd and Tom, though that only meant we’d get along instantly, which we did. I think I flirted with him a lot that night, which for me equates to focusing my attention on and maintaining steady eye contact. I briefly mentioned to him that Todd & I were non-monogamous, which he later on told me that he explored polyamorous relationships in college. I was definitely intrigued, and somewhat smitten. We traded numbers and parted ways.
Two weeks ago I received a text message from him saying that he was planning a trip to the Bay Area in the coming weeks. I offered our apartment as a place to crash. It’s an understatement to say that I was excited, and slightly hopeful that we could be intimate.
Flirting with Uncertainty
On the first morning of his trip, Todd was already out working so I sat on the couch with Z and started to talk about everything. He mentioned that he had gotten a message from a lady on Fetlife (which is a kink-centered social media website). Intrigued again, I logged onto my account and saw that there was a play party later in the night. I asked him if he wanted to come with me, and he was down. I rsvp’d on the event page, and so did he. Then we found each other’s profiles. Then we started talking about sex, everything about sex.
I feel so empowered when I get to talk about my own pleasure and what I enjoy when i’m intimate with a person.
We eventually started our day, exploring West Oakland, and I also managed to go to therapy. I told Z that I was extremely horny through the entire session and we laughed about that. Our interactions were sprinkled with slight touches on the arm or leg, which drove me crazy.
Unsurprisingly, we ended up going to Good Vibrations, a sex shop near Lake Merritt in Oakland. He recommended a small vibrator that slips onto the fingers, for use on men and women. I bought that, and the same lube that he has at home. I couldn’t help but hope that we could play with those toys together. We walked past The Grand Lake Theater in Oakland, and I made a remark about wanting to see Blade Runner. He had seen it, but wanted to watch it again with me.
Distractions at the Cinema
He and I make our way up the rows in an almost empty theater. Through the entire first half of the film, I would glance at his right hand out of the corner of my eye, resting on his leg. I was too afraid to make the first move. Eventually, he took my hand and I looked at him and smiled.
For a while we sat with our hands interlaced. Our thumbs caressing each other. I eventually moved both of our hands to his lap, where I let my hand rest on his upper thigh. He let his right hand rest just below where my skirt ended on my thigh. And for the last half of the film, we ever-so-slowly teased each other. Hans Zimmer’s soundtrack thundering through the theater, my eyes were shut, breathing intensified, reveling in the sparks of pleasure I was feeling from his hand slowly making its way up my skirt. I held my breath for what seemed like hours. My chest rose and fell; I could tell he was watching me.
When the film ended and the lights turned on, he kissed me. “Let’s go to my car,” I said.
And we made out in the backseat of my car.
And eventually made it back to my apartment.
We were on fire, and nothing could stop us from exploring each other’s bodies and enjoying the most carnal of human activities. We both came, which was kind of amazing considering that it was the first time we were having sex with each other.
Purple Disco Machine
I had found a nightlife event to attend that Friday night– a B2B Funk/Disco DJ night at Monarch. We went out with a blunt and had a drink at the bar. The downstairs area was nearly empty. Immediately we filled the dance floor with our bodies, swaying around and moving. For at least an hour we danced and didn’t give a fuck, observing others around us and taking a few breaks. We moved to the dance floor upstairs to check out the music. It was funky, it was fast. We both took a liking to this DJ, who was live-mixing and selecting songs. Being literally the only two people dancing on the floor, I was convinced that the music got better and better as we started dancing harder and harder.
At one point, I began to hear the start of a song that I had been recently obsessed with: Where We Belong by Purple Disco Machine. I’ll try to explain in words the feeling that overcame me when I realized that the song was coming on: it was like coming up on a drug, feeling immense joy and happiness, feeling as if gravity ceased to exist. I threw my fanny pack & jacket onto a chair, and swung my body across the dance floor, dancing and moving my body in pure bliss. I had a moment where I excitedly flailed at the DJ and thanked him for putting on the song. I told Z, “THIS IS THE SONG I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO FOR WEEKS!”
The rest of the playlist was stellar. The jams kept on rolling, and we didn’t stop dancing.
The only moment we rested was to take a breather. We found a two person couch in the far corner of the bar. We sat together, holding each other, squeezing each other. He and I expressed how much we liked each other, and I went on about how cool he was; the fact that he loved the same music as me, that he wasn’t afraid to dance, that he read a lot of books and comics and is hilarious.
In retrospect, I just feel so fucking lucky to be able to experience moments like these. True connection with another human, appreciating their company and simply being present with them. Listening to someone you love, holding them and kissing them, and nothing else seems to matter.
The End of the Night
We got home and got cozy in my bed, talking and keeping each other warm. I had the knowledge that he has a hard time sleeping with other people (sleeping next to a person) and so I expected him to move back to the couch. We fell asleep after having more sex, which was just as exciting and as pleasurable as the first time.
I have to note that Z is very much into kinky things, mainly dominance and submission. I had a fucking amazing experience with him and the *extremely consensual* plays were were enacting. If you want to know details, you should just reach out to me personally. ;)
We fell asleep in my bed together.
For some reason, as I write this, I wish I could remember what he smells like.
I’ll write about the next day soon. It’s got something more to do with Memory Mirror.