Lessons Learned

Don’t build homes in people because they change in unexpected ways. Be wary who you’re intimate with because we are more sensitive to deeper connections. Monitor how much of yourself you are willingly sharing versus how much of yourself is being drained psychically. Hedonism is unsustainable, period.

Turning Leaves

I have a feeling that my days of sexual deprivation will be over soon.

For the first time in a long time, I was intimate with someone. Slowly, I am repairing my sexuality and my confidence. And now for some vignettes:

First. Rain and mountains. Comic books on shelves. It’s morning and he is finally home. He removes his glasses. It felt okay to be naked. It felt okay to be touched. I was a blue flame in an unusually cold day. He kissed my eyelids like a lover would. Why do you stare so longingly at me, as if I were an apparition? I must have been. I left you there, at your doorstep, the cold on our faces. I disappeared to the east.

Secondly, the one who anticipates my arrival. Sexy and frustrated. Modest. He desires me through technology and I give him what he wants tonight. We watch each other orgasm through our phone screens, wild limbs, a moment lost and gained again within a glorious silent roar.

And lastly, the travel companion. Understanding and free to the world. He is eager, so very eager. He wants to be near me. He wants to see the world as I do. Soon, the city in his dreams will materialize. Soon I will be where he is.

“run away to the land of claire and dont stay in the butt crack of a broken heart”
“I’ve always liked you more than most because you are a survior and you keep on going”

“it’s inherently important how you view your life, how you understnad your life, and how you want to live your life. Having no imaginary kingdom means that you take things as they are, either people build meaning out of life or they just accept everything in a complete passiveness. No one should live in that utter passivity of not having any involevment. If you are free, with no made up “kingdom,” no perspective, all you’ll have is this mundane ability to watch things as they happen, on the side of the road like a rock — Like the main character from Melancholia. She didn’t have a vision in her life, and she wasted away.”

Thoughts: I need a vision in my life, to avoid getting stuck in a well of mundanity.
I need to invest in TANGIBLE things. Not in people, not in love or ideas. Tangible goals.