I had such a fucking wonderful day today. Pat Gray had been visiting us since Friday morning from Seattle. It’s been such an exciting, invigorating and thoughtful weekend of great minds coming together and sharing really awe-inspiring, perspective-changing ideas.

I even got to hang out with Keren too! She’s still awesome in that parts of her haven’t changed, the parts that I really admire. Those are the parts she shares with me, and I’m pretty sure I have aspects of myself that she learns from as well.

Went on a great hike with Todd, Kurt, Keren and Pat. Keren and I talked a lot of the time but overall we had a really awesome experience.

Returned to Uncle Frank’s place and dropped a bit of mdma. It felt amazing to just talk and roll around with Kurt and Todd, my best friends. Pat Gray had passed out from the potent California bud- and was out for HOURS.

I got to chat to him about non-monogamy and just relationships in general. He was extremely receptive and asked some pertinent questions regarding it.

I’m so tired and hyped up on music and friendship and life and shit. Todd is great, so is everyone else I keep around.

Lessons Learned

Don’t build homes in people because they change in unexpected ways. Be wary who you’re intimate with because we are more sensitive to deeper connections. Monitor how much of yourself you are willingly sharing versus how much of yourself is being drained psychically. Hedonism is unsustainable, period.

Turning Leaves

I have a feeling that my days of sexual deprivation will be over soon.

For the first time in a long time, I was intimate with someone. Slowly, I am repairing my sexuality and my confidence. And now for some vignettes:

First. Rain and mountains. Comic books on shelves. It’s morning and he is finally home. He removes his glasses. It felt okay to be naked. It felt okay to be touched. I was a blue flame in an unusually cold day. He kissed my eyelids like a lover would. Why do you stare so longingly at me, as if I were an apparition? I must have been. I left you there, at your doorstep, the cold on our faces. I disappeared to the east.

Secondly, the one who anticipates my arrival. Sexy and frustrated. Modest. He desires me through technology and I give him what he wants tonight. We watch each other orgasm through our phone screens, wild limbs, a moment lost and gained again within a glorious silent roar.

And lastly, the travel companion. Understanding and free to the world. He is eager, so very eager. He wants to be near me. He wants to see the world as I do. Soon, the city in his dreams will materialize. Soon I will be where he is.

“run away to the land of claire and dont stay in the butt crack of a broken heart”
“I’ve always liked you more than most because you are a survior and you keep on going”