Long Life, Joy and Prosperity

+ + +
She looks like little Jiyun :3
It’s a pretty good movie, definitely not your typical heart-warming romantic comedy, but it’s thought-provoking and had such a contrast between color and greyness.

+ + +
Well, yeah, this was absolutely the worst week for me. Busy, tired, PMSing, love sick. Had to work. A band concert. Wasn’t able to keep up with anything.

I’ve been having such strange dreams lately. Again.
I stayed in last night. After stopping by Noba Sushi on Pleasant Valley Way and chatting with the store owner–whose name is Kim, I found out last night–I bought myself a Dragon roll and some miso soup. Went home, curled up on my lazy boy chair and put on a movie. It was nice, I suppose. Delicious.

Of course, this had to be the week before my period. When all my emotions are intensified. And all I could think about…
I wonder if he misses it as much as I do. Being together, because we fit.
I sometimes wonder if each and every puzzle piece made for every different puzzle is a different shape from any other piece from other puzzles. Like if I were to mix two different boxes, would I find pieces from another puzzle to fit this one? Maybe that’s how we were. Using pieces from two puzzles we attempted to produce the big picture. Of course, It couldn’t work.

Now there are no more leaves.
Autumn is a transition season. It’s like Spring, but the opposite. In Spring, it starts out really cold, the trees are bare, and gradually it becomes warmer, sunnier, and the leaves grow back. In Autumn, it starts out really warm, then it gets colder, the leaves start to die and fall. Hm. I suppose Autumn isn’t the best time to start something. Sigh.
+ + +
I got my SAT scores back. And i’m happy with them… my scores went up by a few hundred points from last time. And i’m also happy to say that my scores meet the minimum for Maryland (UMD is pretty competitive.)
Also,
Maryland received all my early application stuff! :

Received	Document Title
	Application Freshman Part 1
	High School Transcript (1 of 1 received)
	Test Score
	Find Your Niche Statement
	Activities Statement
	Essay
	Recommendation letter from teacher (2 of 2 received)
	Recommendation letter from counselor (1 of 1 received)
	MD Residency Form ( )
	Miscellaneous ( )

Alissa showed me her college debt, to this day. $33,000+. She went to school in 1991, when I was born. I don’t really know what to make of it. That truth threw my whole existence into question. Is there a way I can pursue my dreams without having to spend so much money? I don’t want to be in debt. I can’t. But.. it’s my time to leave. I can’t spend my life paying off debt. How do the artists at RISD support themselves afterwards if they pay over 45,000+ a year?

On Wednesday I stayed after school in my AP Envi class to make up a test. My teacher wasn’t there, but another teacher, Mrs. DePalma was there. I never knew who she was until she spoke to me. She was speaking with another student who stayed after. He looked like he was doing a worksheet. I overheard her tell the student that he wasn’t doing honors level work, and that she would not put him in honors classes if he turned in such bad work. The boy stood up, and rudely ran out of the classroom. She sighed.
I was sitting at an extra computer in the back looking at Syracuse, and she sat at the computer next to me, checking a powerpoint. She started to talk to me.
“I have to make this powerpoint for class. It’s about teaching styles.”
“Oh, I like making power points.”
“Yes, well, I do too, but with a lot of time…(she clicks through her slides, she has already adjusted the monitor to face me) I don’t have much animation though. Except for that one. I should print this out, we aren’t allowed to read from the presentation.”
“You should use note cards.”
“Oh, that’s a good idea.”
Silence.
“I don’t know what to do about that child.” She said.
“Oh.. um.. there aren’t many kids who are motivated these days.”
“Are you motivated?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Well.. what I want to do seems a little impossible. My dreams, I mean. You see, my parents were born and raised in the Philippines. They want me to graduate and find a job quickly and earn a lot of money, and it’s understandable. But to be honest, money isn’t my first priority. They don’t understand that I want to live life from experience to experience. I actually want to pursue a dream. I don’t need anything expensive, shoes, a new car, I’d rather save that money. And…I just feel like I want to prove them wrong. My family. I want to show them I can be happy and successful. But I know it’s going to be hard.”
“That’s–wonderful.”
I smile. “Yeah…”
“You know…i’ve been teaching for a long time and I can just see it in students. I mean, I just met you but… I believe in you.”
I look at her. “Thank you.. I.. really appreciate that.”

+ + +
I don’t know what will become of me.

From stardust to sentience

“Claire, go to college. Just go to college and you can do whatever the fuck you want. What-ever-the-fuck-you-want.” Says my brother.
That’s how my night ended.

I went back inside and faced my dad.
My father said NO. And again, NO. NO, NO, NO.
i begged him. i pleaded.

by some miracle, he said yes. he told me to be home by 9.
So I drove to Jackie’s, Jay in the front seat, Jess in the back. seventy on the high way, this is America, i thought to myself.

The tedious but entertaining process of introducing one’s self, rewind, repeat, play. Throw a smile in there, a handshake, a kiss on the cheek, and perhaps another smile, if you’re up for it.

Grab a cold one, a chair, or the chair first, then two cold ones, one for yourself and one for the cousin. sit and survey the surroundings, too far to participate in the conversation. (blame the architecture of jackie’s backyard)
see the spider sitting on its web, right above us. eating. celebrating, just like us.

and suddenly, i am the spider.
a girl named mariel sits beside her presumptive nameless boyfriend. [i watch the gnat fly into my web]
gary wears a headband in his fluffy hair. dark hair, dark eyes, strong arms. he tells stories with his mouth and his eyes. yes, he looks at everyone.
and jackie sits curled in a chair, laughing. content. next to
Alyssa, Barone’s girlfriend with the eyes of January ice. like the blue of the skies in december. [i have injected the fly]
Anthony is beside her, quiet, seemingly oblivious, always with the additional comical comment.
Jay, the new-comer, the outsider, Claire’s brother sits with cold glass in his right hand and his left fiddles with the chair.
Claire is behind him, situated at an angle to see everyone. Jessica sits next to her, in the sun, dazed and confused.

I consume a burger only to find a large ketchup stain on my shirt.
I went to Jackie’s basement to wash it off.
[Enter Anthony]
He asks how my weekend has been.
[Insert small talk of rollercoasters]

[Claire and Anthony EXIT, stage left]

Jackie: Everyone! Let’s move to the picnic table!
Everone moves to the picnic table. I take my seat, to the left of me is Alex, the dark haired girl who didn’t speak to me last time, to the left of her is Jeana, the small Asian girl who is my age, and on the other side is Alyssa, Anthony and Gary.

THE CONVERSATIONS:
somehow, a conversation starts between myself, gary, and anthony. Anthony pulled up a chair to the side of the picnic table to join us. Sometimes it would be a whole table discussion, other times it would be the three of us. Anthony mentioned how he was replaying The Ocarina of Time on Project 64, a computer emulator. I told him I played it recently. “What are your top 10 video games?” I asked.
–conversation goes on–
Between numbers, we would stray and talk about other things. Gardening, jobs, college, life, parents, people, friends, boyfriends, relationships, girlfriends, love, food, shrimp, video games, camping, lakes, trees, et cetera, et cetera.

(She wraps her body around him but he sits like a rock. Why are you being so unresponsive? Is it because of me? I’d like to think so, just because.. just because I wished I captivated you. Yes, that’s the truth. I want to be captivating.)

i must have been conversing for three hours straight. sometimes with gary only, sometimes with anthony.
It’s weird when you have been doing something for a long period of time, and you look up and suddenly it’s dark and the sky is dotted with stars. and you glance at your hands and realize that you’re here, right now, right here.

Time to go: I give everyone a hug or what not, and surprisingly enough.. there were some extended hugs. I left happy and proud of myself.
————–

If this is the end to my summer, it was amazing. If I hadn’t been able to go, I wouldn’t have met these people. Possibilities flourish after every decision made. After seeing myself interact with new people successfully.. it gives me hope for the future. Even though they are older, someday I will be that age, and maybe I’ll find someone.. someone special. It’s not hard. In fact, it gets easier. Good-bye summer. “Summer always comes, but it’s never the same one.” – Jeremy.

Tomorrow I start my journey as a Senior in High School.