I grew up mostly as a shy girl, never the first one to put my hand out to say hello, the little girl who would grab a hold onto her mother’s dress and peek out from behind. As I got older, my mother would push me forward and I was always a bit awkward still.
In middle school, I had no enemies. I made sure I was nice to everyone, if I didn’t like someone, I would just brush it off. No one made rumors about me, no one talked about me behind my back, I was the friend you’d tell secrets to. The one who was friends equally with everyone.
Then in high school, I met some really awesome people who eventually got me to break out of my little shell and be heard. I gained confidence, I spoke out more, presentations were fine, I liked to voice my opinion.
Last night, after telling my mother 80% of the truth, going out the back door, meeting up with Jessica and sneaking out, running down my hill, leaving my father completely clueless, I felt like a teenager. A real seventeen year old. Yeah, it was my birthday yesterday, and yeah, I got my license.
Her parents are out for the weekend in Maryland. She called up everyone, and she threw a house party. There I was, standing in the darkness of my neighborhood, shoulders half bare, matching jewelry, make-up, skinny jeans. Just waiting.
She picked us up and we drove. Jessica had a deja vu, and I knew we were supposed to be there, at that point in time. When I have deja vus, I feel like everything’s on track, like those sudden realizations are clues that i’m actually doing alright in life. We got to her house and found out that her neighbor’s son, the police officer’s son, was also throwing a party. We were early, the first ones there. We set up everything, cleaned, made room, set up the beer pong tables.
I opened the fridge. There were at least three thirty packs, a large bottle of Malibu Rum, and a huge bottle of Smirnoff. We had pina colada mixes, pineapple mixes, margarita mixes. More people brought beers, shot glasses and what not.
I tried meeting people as they came in, introducing myself loudly, saying my name and nice to meet you. Shaking their hand, smiling, all that good stuff. I repeated their names in my head, over and over. Oh gosh, let me tell you, there definitely were some cute guys, and sitting there with Jessica, she would have given me encouraging words if I needed them.
So I had a couple of beers, a shot, went upstairs to sit outside. Sitting outside, I was around a table with Anthony Barone, a very cute, intellectual and understanding guy. Let me tell you a bit about what i’ve inferred about him. He loves music, can sit around all day listening to it, loves beer, we talked about how we ordered subscriptions of the Game Informer magazine and never read them, how we play Guitar Hero, how both our brothers are drug dealers (I got a high five for that one). I’ll talk about him more later. Then there was Quincy. I knew about him even before I met him. Jackie told me of the terrible accident he was in, and all that is left is a decorated cast on his left arm. Quincy…aka Cups, aka Cans. If you look at him, he would appear as a typical jock-swimmer type. Like someone I wouldn’t normally approach at school. He graduated with the Class of ‘o8, and I told him that I love that class. We talked about school, what he likes, what schools i’m applying to, what subjects he likes, (he’s a math and science nerd, going to school to be an orthodontist) and how I’m totally opposite, that I love writing and reading and am totally not a chemistry person. We got a really awesome conversation going.
Then there was the other Anthony, with the hat. A hat like in Tony Hawks Underground 2. He was a bit obnoxious, short, and loves skating, obviously. Kids with hats like that are skaters. It’s a known fact.
Jeana (or Gina), she passed out cold. She’s in my grade, very light weight, she was gone. A lot of drama floated around her, I noticed.
Mark told us a story about how many people gathered around him, (He was at a party where everyone was piss drunk) and watched a girl give him head. The story was pretty funny, actually.
Zach the Jew who goes to Princeton. Zach, the fancy man who drinks fancy beers with names no one knows of. I accidentally told him, “Don’t talk to me,” when I was super tipsy, when I meant, “You shouldn’t talk to me because I might say something entirely stupid and weird.” He laughed and got up. I felt really bad.
Paul Kim and Korbone came. GOD I missed Bones so much! He is such a sweetheart. I was so glad to see him again. He gets really, really red when he’s drunk. It’s funny. Paul Kim is silly. And he analyzed people. And he was Paul Kim. But I love Pall :D
I went outside and took a seat next to Barone. We started talking about a lot of things, life, what we want to do, what we like. I opened up to him, strangely enough. I asked him if it was a bad thing to be a hopeless romantic, and he said no. I’ve never really told a guy that (who doesn’t give me advice or i’m super comfortable with) because i’m afraid people will think it’s stupid and unrealistic. I told him how I wanted to teach English in other countries, and he encouraged me. I promised I’d send him a postcard. I told him about how I feel that my guy friends only see me on their level, how I play Halo with them, and how I don’t act like my girl friends, and he told me that it’s a good thing. He said it’s better to wait, because there are a lot of good people out there. To be completely honest, I felt so.. relaxed and really comfortable talking to him. I felt like we could talk for hours. Then, he realized he lost his phone, so I offered him mine to call it. He ended up putting his number in too, and I thanked him. :)
When he and the other Anthony, the one with the hat, were about to leave, we hugged. He said, “You smell like New Hampshire. It brings back good memories.” I’ve never heard anything like that before, lol. I thought it was cute.
Went back downstairs, I think I took two shots or made another mixed drink, but at that point.. I was pretty gone. Not wasted. I couldn’t think straight and I hated that I felt so vulnerable (haha). We were sitting in the room right by the back door, when someone knocked.
It was her neighbor, the cop. He found Barone and the other Anthony walking around at three a.m., the other one holding a beer. Wow. He didn’t arrest them, he said he would, but only gave Jackie a warning. It was insane, I was so scared. My first house party, a cop comes! I saw Anthony and Barone standing outside behind him, standing solemnly. Jackie scolded the crap out of Anthony.. and told him to leave and not come back.
More people left, and it was just me, Paul, Bones, Jackie, Jess and Quincy left in her parent’s room. We talked more. It was around five a.m., and we were so, so tired. Bones and Paul left, Jackie made Quincy leave (because he lives down the block) and me and Jess crashed.
Had to get up an hour later. Got to my house, crashed. Three hours later, woke up anew.
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What an experience! My feelings are all jumbled up right now, so I can’t say anything about anything, yet.
I just love how the end of summer is the beginning of something new.
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