screamingjumpingkickingyellinghittingcryingsweatinglaughingclapping
laughingbreathingflailingpoundingslappingshriekingfindingsinging
playingfightingdrummingstrummingswayingtapingLIVING.
i had found the house: there were teens scattered, silhouettes among the light of the garage. i knew I had found them. the muffled sound of loud music tried to break free from the thin walls of Alex’s garage. a blue light emitted from the few windows. cigarette smoke watered my eyes, the ground was icy black. the touch of winter drew the frigid white breaths from the mouths of the people. i smiled and greeted the ones i was familiar with. small talk. glowing red tips of sticks between fingers. i glanced over at the garage once more; it beckoned me. we decided to enter.
☺
sharp smell of sweat–crowded bodies of boys with tight shirts, long, uncombed hair. swaying. nodding their heads. the music greeted my ears with friendly fire. two deaths. i took my place right by the garage door, and the music absorbed me. i was drawn into this heart pounding music. it seeped through the electrical cords, through the drums, the bass, the guitar, their voices. it seeped through the floor and into my sugar boots, into my bones, my nerves. and i smiled, a big, big smile. my eyelids shut, my body sway. i had safely placed my tokidoki bag behind my friend, she wanted to stay safe. my right arm was firmly placed against my stomach, my feet one in front of the other, steady. poised. then they came, the crowd, shoving, pushing, trashing, a blur! all in sync with the music, each punch, each kick, each fall perfectly aligned with the notes. it was dangerous. it was beautiful. like they were set free from the tightly shut mouth of reality. they let go of themselves like tomorrow did not exist. i could not fully submerge myself normally, for fear of what my parents would do. i hated that i was so far from them, and i could still hear them yelling at me as if they stood behind me. but here, in this garage, i could finally let go.
☺
money 101–i became absorbed. i was gone, somewhere deep in the moment. somewhere that could only be opened and found by us. it was our special place. and there i was, in the heart of it all, just me and the music. he was leaving, and i felt a pang of despair, for this was the last show. once we were all outside again, society would handcuff us.
i opened the door of the garage hoping that the rest of the world had dissolved, hoping it was gone. but the cold greeted me once again, and i frowned, slightly.
it will never be the same.
one day
the music will flow through me again.
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