my eyelids fluttered. his eyes were slate-blue.

blink
blink
blink

I can’t shake this feeling… that you saved me. he said
…that you’re actually going to take care of me.

i kissed his forehead, and his cheeks and his lips, his eyelid his ear his nose
all between the palms of my hands

underneath and in between

I’ve been hit with an immense wave of loneliness. It is a vacuum. All I can think of are tender moments between me and some non-existent other. He studies my imperfect skin, runs his fingers along soft bumpiness, unnoticed creases, miscolors and birthmarks. I’ll take his head in my hands, the wrinkle of his ear under my thumbs, and look into his eyes. all we’ll hear is the sound of our quickened breaths. maybe even the other’s heartbeat.

what time of day is it?
it does not matter in our world

Nothing is ever what it seems. Sometimes we forget that concept. Our human senses are the only things that bridge us to this reality. Our thoughts are composed of our reactions to our senses. The wind is still invisible to us but it is there. It is intangible yet it can cause the mass destruction of a city or whisper through slightly opened windows.
If real life becomes memory,
If dreams become memory,
Then what is the difference?

I find myself drifting in and out of another world and for the first time, i’m afraid of what i’ll find.

becoming

“But who are you, anyway? Before we move on, I would like to know you better–dear anonymous reader. Please say your name, age, gender, nationality, and occupation. What interests you the most? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Oh whatever, I already know who you are. I feel your hands tapping on me–on the keyboard, on the mouse. From your fingertips, I can read all of your secrets. Fingerprints might be minute parts of your body, but it contains every information about you. I can even figure out the genetic traits of your ancestors. Had any of your ancestors passed away prematurely. You are here, because thousands of people had loved, and mated. As I write, it seems as though I can see you right in front of me. No, don’t laugh; please stay candid. I would like to understand you better. You are much greater than what you think of yourself. You consist of 71% water, 18% carbon, 4% nitrogen, 2% calcium, 2% phosphorus, 1% potassium, 0.5% sulfur, 0.5% sodium, and 0.4% chlorine–plus a spoonful of minerals: magnesium, zinc, manganese, copper, iodine, nickel, bromine, fluorine, and silicon. Oh, a little bit of cobalt, aluminum, molybdenum, vanadium, lead, tin, titanium, and boron as well. There–I listed the recipe for your existence. All of the elements listed above were produced during the formation of stars, and you can easily find them elsewhere. The water in your body is no different from the ocean water; your phosphorus can be easily used to make matchsticks, and your chlorine to clean the swimming pool. But you are much more than a simple combination of those elements. You are a chemical cathedral–a marvelous edifice. The perfect permutation of the elements, the tight construction of the subatomic particles, the vast vacuum lying among the particles…the complexity is beyond our imagination. But anyway, the fact that you found this page tells me that 1) you are rather smart, and 2) you already know a lot about my world. What have done with that knowledge? A revolution, perhaps? An evolution? Probably nothing, of course. Adjust yourself for a better read, then. Sit down, relax. Breathe in, breathe out–listen to me. Nothing in existence is worthless. You, of course, are not worthless. Your life may be fleeting, but it has a purpose. It does not lead to a dead-end. Everything has a reason. It is not a coincidence that you are sitting right there, reading this page. Relax and think only about the Universe, in which you are nothing but a point. Imagine time speeding up. Pop, you’re born–just like one of those cherry seeds lying around. You devour thousands of meals, transforming tons of flora and fauna into feces. And you die. Had that been your life, it would have been so pointless. Of course, you don’t want that. Do something–anything, however pointless it may seem. Grant a purpose to your life before you die. You were not born by accident. What is your mission? You are not a coincidence.”

-Bernard Werber

\\

I frown at myself.
There is always somewhere we need to be, someone we need to meet, something that keeps us breathing.
Human minds do  not consciously choose their every physical actions. When I wake up in the morning and walk to the bathroom, I merely have my set destination in mind and nothing more. One does not coordinate his steps or analyze and construct the process of lifting one foot then the other. Everything is in constant motion.

There must be a single point in the universe, or existence, that is upholding everything that exists. There must be something which upholds reality. Can an object merely exist? Can the universe just be? If reality exists within the universe, and the universe just became, then everything that has every been created is as magnificent as the creation of the universe. We have come from something that has come from a nothing. The universe became, reality and time became, and we become.. real. Real.

\ \ \

Why is life so complicated?
I wonder how many times this question has been asked.

the world looks like a dessert: snow and ice dipped planet.

foggy; green lanterns, warm blankets.
i truly believe that we are entities trapped in shells. man suits. curious to discover what it is that death is made of. a ball of nerves, soft on the outsides and harder on the inside. like a scribble.

colorblindness and falling in love.\do we deserve this?

i’m scared to know what’s on the other side. the more i use my senses the more they escape me.
unrenewable resources.
that’s what our emotions are.

put that on the list. our tears are in excess.
it must be pollution.

Reality and Existence

A blank
white
page.

One of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.
++++++++

I think that there are some things a human can do to discover ‘rips’ and ‘loopholes’ in reality. We assume that everything is its own, solid, and real stature, that what you hold is simply itself. But we forget that everything is composed of smaller things. Very, very tiny molecules and atoms. And they are constantly in motion. I believe these things can be manipulated. We trust our vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell because that is all we have. If they were taken away, how could we know anything existed? How would we know that we had more than just darkness and thoughts? Would we even be able to think without knowing language and not having use of any senses? Feelings would merely be the rushing of blood to the head or deep breaths or feeling facial muscles twist and contort themselves. Nothing would have a name. Happiness would not be called happiness, it would be  the feeling of something surging throughout  what your thoughts occupy.
But, as I was saying earlier, if the senses are manipulated (i.e. drug use, alcohol use, near death experiences, blacking out) then reality is manipulated as well. Our senses define reality. Without our senses we would not know what is real or not. Our definition of what is real is derived from our use of our senses and nothing more. Of course, thoughts have the power to manipulate too. Thoughts have control over what we see and can’t see–our imaginations. Our dreams. Desires. Fear. Our streams of consciousness are the beds that hold the rivers and streams of what humans perceive to be real and true.
If the entire world was put on shrooms, every single living being and creature if possible, and every creature witnessed the sky falling, who could say it was not really happening? Reality is composed of what we know and see, as I said. What human kind has seen since our arrival. But if we alter the visions of the people, with anything, drugs, whatever, then the seemingly tumbling sky would be reality. Even kissing– if every human were to kiss someone and feel that electricity and the lights start to fade in and out, if every human experiences that heightened state of being, then I think the essence of reality will bend to suit the mutual state of mind of the entire human race for the time being. This is why I believe reality is versatile. It’s the silly putty made of corn starch and water. Hard when stabbed, but soft when handled softly.

The only reason we have the set rules for what ‘reality’ is (like the sky is blue, mostly, grass is green, blood is red, we fall because of gravity) is because we constantly have proof of it from another witness. If two people existed on earth, alone, and one saw the sky as purple and the other saw it as yellow, who could we believe? If there were three people and the third also saw a yellow sky, then they would believe the sky is truly yellow, and shun the other person’s image. But who is still to say that the purple sky is non-existent? Who is to prove that things can and cannot exist, that the impossible are just things humans haven’t done yet. Things that are human created like problems, ‘life’, love, war, are all part of this versatile reality.

I would really like some opinions on this. I hope I make sense.