They roam the calm earth,
Heads tilted up to the sky.
Broken wings, they cry.
–haiku by Claire
Sometimes I feel that nothing’s changed. I’m scared that I haven’t. What if it was all in my head, or something like that. I’d like to know that I’ve gained confidence in myself and in my appearance. I want to know that me getting older day by day will somehow allow me to fly away from this place without having to worry about the parents I left behind. Or rather, without them having to worry about me. My father especially. I definitely know that he believes that i’m the only hope left for this family..my oldest brother, 23 and still living with us, no stable job or home, my second oldest brother recently kicked out because of the whole drug dealing fiasco, and my younger sister getting C’s in middle school, drowning herself in Myspace and materialistic things. Am I the only one with impossible dreams, dreams that will drive me to the end of the world and back, trying to pursue them?
So I started applying to two colleges already, University of Pittsburgh and University of Maryland-College park. And I’ve been looking at scholarships again…even though I filled out a lot during my Junior year.
All I know is, I definitely have had a wonderful balance of school work and fun throughout my three years of high school. So if I were to die soon, god forbid, I wouldn’t be too upset. I’d be extremely devastated.
But hey, we only live once.
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