“Claire, go to college. Just go to college and you can do whatever the fuck you want. What-ever-the-fuck-you-want.” Says my brother.
That’s how my night ended.
I went back inside and faced my dad.
My father said NO. And again, NO. NO, NO, NO.
i begged him. i pleaded.
by some miracle, he said yes. he told me to be home by 9.
So I drove to Jackie’s, Jay in the front seat, Jess in the back. seventy on the high way, this is America, i thought to myself.
The tedious but entertaining process of introducing one’s self, rewind, repeat, play. Throw a smile in there, a handshake, a kiss on the cheek, and perhaps another smile, if you’re up for it.
Grab a cold one, a chair, or the chair first, then two cold ones, one for yourself and one for the cousin. sit and survey the surroundings, too far to participate in the conversation. (blame the architecture of jackie’s backyard)
see the spider sitting on its web, right above us. eating. celebrating, just like us.
and suddenly, i am the spider.
a girl named mariel sits beside her presumptive nameless boyfriend. [i watch the gnat fly into my web]
gary wears a headband in his fluffy hair. dark hair, dark eyes, strong arms. he tells stories with his mouth and his eyes. yes, he looks at everyone.
and jackie sits curled in a chair, laughing. content. next to
Alyssa, Barone’s girlfriend with the eyes of January ice. like the blue of the skies in december. [i have injected the fly]
Anthony is beside her, quiet, seemingly oblivious, always with the additional comical comment.
Jay, the new-comer, the outsider, Claire’s brother sits with cold glass in his right hand and his left fiddles with the chair.
Claire is behind him, situated at an angle to see everyone. Jessica sits next to her, in the sun, dazed and confused.
I consume a burger only to find a large ketchup stain on my shirt.
I went to Jackie’s basement to wash it off.
[Enter Anthony]
He asks how my weekend has been.
[Insert small talk of rollercoasters]
[Claire and Anthony EXIT, stage left]
Jackie: Everyone! Let’s move to the picnic table!
Everone moves to the picnic table. I take my seat, to the left of me is Alex, the dark haired girl who didn’t speak to me last time, to the left of her is Jeana, the small Asian girl who is my age, and on the other side is Alyssa, Anthony and Gary.
THE CONVERSATIONS:
somehow, a conversation starts between myself, gary, and anthony. Anthony pulled up a chair to the side of the picnic table to join us. Sometimes it would be a whole table discussion, other times it would be the three of us. Anthony mentioned how he was replaying The Ocarina of Time on Project 64, a computer emulator. I told him I played it recently. “What are your top 10 video games?” I asked.
–conversation goes on–
Between numbers, we would stray and talk about other things. Gardening, jobs, college, life, parents, people, friends, boyfriends, relationships, girlfriends, love, food, shrimp, video games, camping, lakes, trees, et cetera, et cetera.
(She wraps her body around him but he sits like a rock. Why are you being so unresponsive? Is it because of me? I’d like to think so, just because.. just because I wished I captivated you. Yes, that’s the truth. I want to be captivating.)
i must have been conversing for three hours straight. sometimes with gary only, sometimes with anthony.
It’s weird when you have been doing something for a long period of time, and you look up and suddenly it’s dark and the sky is dotted with stars. and you glance at your hands and realize that you’re here, right now, right here.
Time to go: I give everyone a hug or what not, and surprisingly enough.. there were some extended hugs. I left happy and proud of myself.
————–
If this is the end to my summer, it was amazing. If I hadn’t been able to go, I wouldn’t have met these people. Possibilities flourish after every decision made. After seeing myself interact with new people successfully.. it gives me hope for the future. Even though they are older, someday I will be that age, and maybe I’ll find someone.. someone special. It’s not hard. In fact, it gets easier. Good-bye summer. “Summer always comes, but it’s never the same one.” – Jeremy.
Tomorrow I start my journey as a Senior in High School.
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