An Ode to my Beauty

I stand naked, glowing and golden. My skin is translucent in this delicate morning light. Ah, the soft curves of my hips, my lovely breasts, my plump lips. What a miracle, I think to myself, to have a body at all. What a miracle it is to be a woman. The truth is, I chose to hide for a long time. I have feared, yes, feared, my own beauty for most of my adult life. I denied my power as a woman. I refused to genuinely see myself because I felt unworthy of the gift of femininity. 

In the delicate sigh of this morning’s grace, I embrace my beauty as if she is my sister. I take her into my arms and say, I am here now and I am never letting go. 

I watch my reflection move with ease. I raise my arms upwards, slowly… like a bird mid-flight. I let the shadows trace the geography of my skin. I marvel at the sunlight, softly illuminating all the parts of myself that I’ve grown to love. My eyes start to glisten; my heart beats out of my chest. 

Here I am. 

Here I always will be. 

This is an ode to my beauty. 

I am a woman now.

For nearly a year I have been on the most magnificent journey of my life: the Initiation into Womanhood. I have been pushing the boundaries of my own definitions of femininity and what it means to truly embody being a Woman. This process was birthed from self-reflections during a beautifully dynamic and influential romantic relationship, still very alive. 

Through the lens of another, I recognized a significantly toxic, conditioned pattern embedded in my programming. It caused great dissonance in my heart: I expected love and pleasure to come from my partner, as if it were owed to me. This made me examine what I expected of myself, and the reality I was faced with. I am turning 30 and yet I have not yet unlocked my own eros. 

How could I expect a man to know how I want to be touched? How could anyone outside of me understand the pleasures and pains from within my own being? 

These questions inspired a journey of self-discovery into the sensualities and pleasures of my own body. How deep does my love go for myself? And how much deeper can my pleasure go? What is my relationship to beauty and self-care? 

This is my initiation into Womanhood. It is intimidating. It is not easy. Have you felt the pain of shedding your own skin? Have you felt the grace it brings? 

Are there any other women out there going through this same transformation? How has your process been? Feel free to share your experience here.