Have you ever thought of one day not being just one day, but your entire life? If humans did not require sleep, life would be a continuous reel of happenings. I’ve been feeling moody and hopelessly craving some sort of emotional connection with a man. I really do have to stop thinking constantly about the future, but holding my acceptance letter in my hand gives me real hope. I just can believe that four years ago I was saying to myself, “Wow, only four years until college…” and here I am. It’s too surreal. It’s so hard to believe.

So i’ve been thinking. My guidance counselor was right. At the beginning of the school year I was totally for going to Maryland, then it turned to Syracuse. She said to me that by the end of the year, I would change my mind because of the financial situation.

And here I am contemplating the advantages of going to Rutgers.
ADVANTAGES:

• Save a lot of money because it is an in state public school.
• Would be closer to NYC
• Good enough distance away from  home. Actually,
• I’m away from home.
• I can still study abroad whenever
• I could bargain with my parents and go to Rutgers in change for them paying for a few summer and winter study abroad trips. :)
• I have a good bunch of friends there, so I won’t feel completely desolate.
• It’s actually a really good school
• Apparently the parties are good too.
• The campus is really nice. And so are the apartments.
• It’s incredibly diverse.
• I could always transfer to an international university or at least study abroad for a year.
• Less debt when I graduate. This means it won’t be so hard for me to actually live abroad in Europe or something.

So those are some advantages. I’m awaiting replies from Maryland and Syracuse now. Next Thursday i’m actually going to have a phone interview with a lady who is part of the Discovery Florence program. I have to prepare myself for that!

I just got really angry today because when my dad looked at the letter, he said, “You have to pay a $250 fee now.”
“That’s only if I decide to go.”
(Looks at me crazily) “Of course you are going.”

Then I stormed upstairs.
He has no right to tell me what to do with my life. Because my life, our lives, are short. SHORT. Time is running faster than light and there is no way I am letting go of the steering wheel. They did their part, and now it’s my time to leave, to flourish and fly. It’s just how it was and how it always will be.

I really don’t know now. I fell in love with Maryland when I saw the campus. I made friends so quickly, too! And Syracuse’s Discovery Florence program is something that is truly meant for me. For my sole existence.

Bottom line is, if I go to Rutgers, i’m pretty much going to just save up money and do as many study abroads as possible.

Good bye.

I think Time goes incredibly quick. I suppose it’s a good thing. There’s a lot coming in 2009, graduation, college. Each day is a surprise in a box, ready to just jump out at you. I started 2008 on a somewhat blank page, no longer carrying an emotional burden.

At the start of this year, I reminisced on the beautiful little happenings of 2008. I know for a fact that i’ve grown so much, and that fact makes me happy. I am especially proud of myself because I can finally say that I truly love being who I am and I love what I am, what composes me, what composes my heart, mind and soul. I am flawed, imperfect and I have accepted this.

The future is coming.