“STORIES TO TELL OUR KIDS” A (soon-to-be) Novel

I was inspired suddenly, at two-something in the morning, to write a blurb of a novel I have yet to put into existence. It feels so real to me. It is like a sleeping child that will one day grow older. I will make this tangible, one day.

The title of it, is called, “STORIES TO TELL OUR KIDS.” I hope you’ll enjoy it. Feel free to leave any points of constructive criticism.

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“STORIES TO TELL OUR KIDS,” manifests itself as a non-fiction hybrid, sketching a portrait of the seemingly-mundane life of a twenty year old named Claire. She retells, in skin-touching detail and breathtaking clarity, her whimsical and capricious experiences around the globe. Told in either first or third person, her unconventional writing style of quirky vignettes, prosetry and short stories strewn together as an unpredictable collage induces any reader into her metaphysical and lucid reality. She finds this comparable to the rhythm of a brief summer rainstorm, or the sensation of standing in the midst of an unpredictable wind.

Haruki Murakami, her most reveled, fiction-writing muse, puts this exact feeling into words: “It’s hard to tell the difference between sea and sky. Between voyager and sea. Between reality and the workings of the heart” (Kafka on the Shore).

In no particular order her tales consist of metaphors and similes rooted in simplicity. They are cherished old photographs at the bottom of a drawer. Claire’s voice wields emotion like a great river. Running the length of the Garden State Parkway, through the intimate stretches of time etched between herself and her true love; It runs north to Montreal, a city of shimmering chartreuse and marigold scents and across the Mediterranean, where paper-skinned grandmothers smile toothless in stone villages on the Mars-like surface of Crete. Wearing the soles of her mother’s worn shoes, she finds herself traversing her heritage along the clear-water coasts of the tiny Philippine island of Coron. This is her unending adventure.

At the end of each day, Claire will watch the sky grow heavy in its tangerine succulence. And in this sweetness, wherever she may be, she will daydream of small children to lovingly tuck into sleep.

“These,” Claire will whisper to her lover, “are the stories to tell our kids.”

What Daylight has Saved

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eileen Cooper, my Music T.A. invited the class to see her Thesis Recital. Held at the Schare Recital Hall on the Douglass Campus, the hall itself was stunning. And Eileen’s voice? Gorgeous. Strong-willed.  Emotional. I’ve never listened to Opera sung live; it felt like every note suspended in air like strong sunlight held the hearts of the audience! The way of story-telling through just voice and expression (she was singing in German, Latin, French) was magnificent and breath-taking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aside from that, I drove to North Jersey to visit home. My dad changed the oil in my car and replaced my left headlight! Thank goodness for him. I watched my mom fry some fish (delectable!) and make Vietnamese stir-fried noodles! We went to Home Depot, I strolled around photographing flowers.

– – – – – –              – – – – – –             – – – – – –

Lately i’ve been actually managing and researching Japan English-Teaching / ESL programs, budgeting living costs, and compiling some good data on that. It makes it a bajillion times easierknowing that rent will be split right in half between Kyle and I. We’re both going to apply to the same teaching positions and hopefully score two jobs around the same area. So far, I’ve found this:

A super-cute lofted apartment with big windows in Osaka!

AtJPY59,000, it converts to about USD$715. I figure we’d be splitting about $400 a month. Not bad at all, considering that a lot of teaching positions i’ve come across pay starting at around $3,200 a month. Kyle and I already know how much money we need to eat every month.

Honestly, my future has never looked brighter. What’s also nice is that we’re never going to buy a house and get trapped in mortgage payments. Nope nope.

Enjoy your Saturday night. I’m trapped inside a library until Midnight.

My Father

I’ve grown stronger.

I walked out of the kitchen door and my dad called out to me. “Claire, come here and let’s talk about your future.”

I sat on the couch adjacent to him. I had a cup of cheerios in my hand.
“If you live in South Korea, what if North Korea starts a war with them. Did you know that North Korea has atomic bomb? They said they can pulverize South Korea in five minutes. They turn them into ash he said!”

“Then i’ll live in Japan.”

“Yes but you cannot go to Japan without knowing how to speak the Japanese! You cannot survive, how will you ask for the food?”

“I’ll learn the language when I get there.”

“NO!!! You have to take the language course in America first! You cannot learn it there.”

“But it’s easier to learn the language if you live–”

“NO! Aren’t there language course you want to take here?”

“Well, yes…”

“Okay then.
I don’t want you to fail me. Look at your brothers. I spent money on them for school and look at them, they failed. I don’t want you to fail me.”

“I won’t. I’m motivated. They aren’t.”

“What do you mean they’re not motivated? Jadam just has a part time job and I tell him to get a full time job and save money but he doesn’t.”

“I think he’s saving money. He’ll move out soon. I have a feeling.”

“No!! He’s not saving money, I saw his bank book he only has $400.00. He thinks he can live here his whole life. I don’t know what to do with them.”

“I don’t think he likes you very much.”

“Yes because I don’t like–i’m frustrated with him because he received low scores! I pay for his ACT and he still failed.”

“You should be encouraging! (I’m frustrated at this point. I can’t believe I wasn’t crying either) YOU PUT THEM DOWN. ”

“I put them down? Because they failed!”

“Well, CAN’T YOU SAY ‘GOOD JOB’ FOR ONCE?!? Look at my grades, they’re better and you can’t even say good job.”

“Because it’s not a good job! You have three A and three B. YOU’RE AVERAGE.”

“C is average, B is good–”

“NO, YOU HAVE 3 A AND 3 B, IT’S AVERAGE. That’s why you don’t get any scholarship, because you have average grades. You’re wasting your talent.
I’m going to pay for your schooling. Jadam and Michael already failed me. You’re the third one. If you fail me, you will see me hanging there. I will kill myself. (He walks away) Remember that. I will kill myself.”

(I’m swirling my spoon around) “Okay. I won’t fail you. I have goals in life.”

“So what do you think we should do with Jadam? He’s coming home, sneaking late, past 12.”

“I think you should try to be a better father. You should be nicer to him. You should be the best parent you can be because he is still your child.”

“Okay, so what if he fails me? Even if I reverse my psychology and let him go to a 4 year school, what if he fails me? I know he will fail again. He’s just working a part time job and doing Marijuana!”

“Well, the first thing you can do as a parent is to believe in him. Believe that he won’t fail. You have to have faith in him. His mom died…”

“So what? That’s not his fault. He’s abusing me! Like you too, abusing me. And you too, you come home at 11 and 12 o clock! You cannot do that!”

“But i’m not doing anything bad.”

“I know! But you cannot be out driving at 11 o clock..”

“I graduate soon, I won’t see my friends again. I’m trying to enjoy my childhood. And my grades are good. Obviously my grades aren’t being affected by me going out. I deserve something!”

“Then what do you want?! What freedom do you want?”

“My curfew.”

“Okay, you want to change your curfew? Then come home at 11 o clock on weekends. I don’t like you coming home at 6, 7, 8 on school nights. You have school early!”

“Oh. okay fine, I won’t.”

“What do you think we should do with Jadam? I keep telling him to go to night school but he doesn’t. HE HAS NO TALENT.”

“He does have talent!”

“What, You tell me, what talent does he have??”

“Artistic ability! He’s good at art.”

“So what, he goes to school for art? Then what?”

“Well, would you rather him live like this every day, or him going to school for art, at least he’s doing something with his life, not staying home. At least he is pursuing something.”

“Well I tell him to go to school but he doesn’t! I won’t pay for them if they just fail.”

“I think you should just try to encourage him. Find careers he can pursue. Help him.”

blah blah blah. Idk that’s most of it.

+ + +

That was the gist of it. Yeah. I was pretty blunt and straightforward. I finally said the things I’ve wanted to say. I just rubbed it in his face. My brother’s moving out in June. and my dad’s greedy. He doesn’t want to spend his money on me because he thinks i’ll fail. I’ll prove them wrong. He just kept saying how frustrated he was at my brothers.

It was so intense. I was so close to crying at one point but I didn’t. I finally faced him.

Fuck him, i’m stronger now.

Have you ever thought of one day not being just one day, but your entire life? If humans did not require sleep, life would be a continuous reel of happenings. I’ve been feeling moody and hopelessly craving some sort of emotional connection with a man. I really do have to stop thinking constantly about the future, but holding my acceptance letter in my hand gives me real hope. I just can believe that four years ago I was saying to myself, “Wow, only four years until college…” and here I am. It’s too surreal. It’s so hard to believe.

So i’ve been thinking. My guidance counselor was right. At the beginning of the school year I was totally for going to Maryland, then it turned to Syracuse. She said to me that by the end of the year, I would change my mind because of the financial situation.

And here I am contemplating the advantages of going to Rutgers.
ADVANTAGES:

• Save a lot of money because it is an in state public school.
• Would be closer to NYC
• Good enough distance away from  home. Actually,
• I’m away from home.
• I can still study abroad whenever
• I could bargain with my parents and go to Rutgers in change for them paying for a few summer and winter study abroad trips. :)
• I have a good bunch of friends there, so I won’t feel completely desolate.
• It’s actually a really good school
• Apparently the parties are good too.
• The campus is really nice. And so are the apartments.
• It’s incredibly diverse.
• I could always transfer to an international university or at least study abroad for a year.
• Less debt when I graduate. This means it won’t be so hard for me to actually live abroad in Europe or something.

So those are some advantages. I’m awaiting replies from Maryland and Syracuse now. Next Thursday i’m actually going to have a phone interview with a lady who is part of the Discovery Florence program. I have to prepare myself for that!

I just got really angry today because when my dad looked at the letter, he said, “You have to pay a $250 fee now.”
“That’s only if I decide to go.”
(Looks at me crazily) “Of course you are going.”

Then I stormed upstairs.
He has no right to tell me what to do with my life. Because my life, our lives, are short. SHORT. Time is running faster than light and there is no way I am letting go of the steering wheel. They did their part, and now it’s my time to leave, to flourish and fly. It’s just how it was and how it always will be.

I really don’t know now. I fell in love with Maryland when I saw the campus. I made friends so quickly, too! And Syracuse’s Discovery Florence program is something that is truly meant for me. For my sole existence.

Bottom line is, if I go to Rutgers, i’m pretty much going to just save up money and do as many study abroads as possible.

Good bye.

Ah!

Sonnet 116–Shakespeare
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose Worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom:
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

++
I thought it was beautiful.

Monday, October 6
You must learn to relax, to take your time and to give your sensuous appetites a creative impulse. Try not to force the issue. You are best to just let it happen.

Weekly Horoscope

The key to romantic interactions as the week gets going is to set the ego aside and get to what really matters. How different are the differences? Where are the shared values? Beginning Wednesday, the stars are sending some new options your way, but you’ve got to be willing to look. Whether you’re single or coupled up, shift your perspective and reexamine your expectations. While things could get interpersonally dramatic on Friday night or this weekend, keep your wits about you. You’ve got an opportunity to make a great decision for your love life!

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Horoscopes creep me out.
Are they supposed to make you feel like this will happen?

One day.

What am I to do?

When my parents believe money is everything,
and I believe happiness is everything.

They come from a place, they know a place where money is what drives each and every soul, but I come from a place where money can destroy and corrupt.
If I can, I want to teach myself a way of life where money won’t be so important (like materialistic things and such)
I honestly just want to write and travel. I hope to make money off that to fund tickets to other places, but as long as I can just live and experience new things, I will be content with my life. Even if it means not being home for a large part of my life.
I want them to understand.
They think I can’t make it. They never had hope for me.
One day, they’ll see.

I’ll make sure my life will be happier than theirs.