It was just the other day. There is a distinction between the voice one hears in his or her own skull and the one others hear as you speak. It’s like listening to a recording of yourself talking, or laughing. There is detachment there, suddenly, the rejection of your own voice upon hearing it. It’s foreign to your ears, but why? Why is it not the same: how the world listens to the sounds that emit from your mouth and the reverberations within flesh and bone?
Friday night permit me to one place only: the Archibald S. Alexander Library‘s front desk. At any given moment, my eyes were glued to the shining screen at several photographs of potential apartment spaces Kyle and I could share in Japan, or teaching programs where I could spend my time and effort helping very young children speak English, while I learned Japanese.
The future blossomed for me in an instant. I was filled with light and lightness. One could say it was pure, unadulterated hope. Potential laid out its path for he and I.
My shift ended at midnight. I was ecstatic: Kyle worked at the computer lab down the street, so I walked in my quickened pace towards the Student Center to meet him. We walked home together: I noticed the trees, blooming in the night to be blessed by sunlight in the morning–and being the only sober human beings wandering the streets.
It was the first time I heard my voice:
we were in his basement and I was bra-less in a big sweater and I told him about our future in Japan. Our futures felt like engorged fruits upon the fragile vine of time above us. My voice, as I spoke, materialized before me in the shape of his smile and I knew, at that moment, that I had heard myself for the very-first-time and I must have been consumed by it because what my voice told me was that finally, here stands the only other human being on this earth that has happened upon my path in life, who shares love, who grounds me at the same time allowing flight and freedom.
{ My voice,
I heard,
her speak,
sudden alignment. }
Kyle Mezzacappa, it’s been six months of exploring each other’s worlds. Everyday I look forward to traveling the length of your existence, to cherish, to love, to appreciate. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I KNEAD you!
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