[7] Days & [6] Nights of the [Pacific]

I am utterly excited.
My father was this | | close to taking our spring vacation money and putting it towards his own individual trip to the Philippines. But after my mother’s tears and playing incredibly loud thrash / indie experimental music in my room, he decided to let us go.
So during my spring break I will be in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico at a gorgeous 5-star all-inclusive resort. (For privacy purposes I cannot put the resort name here.)
For many nights I have been scrounging the internet for photos of this resort–photos of Puerto Vallarta and the surrounding areas.

Dad: “You book vacations as if you’ve never been on one.”
Me: “I know, I’m just excited.”

I’m so ready to leave the east coast just for a week…to see the beautiful Pacific ocean accept the setting sun into her arms. I’m excited to see a star ridden sky and candy colored clouds. I’m excited to taste feelings of happiness and eccentricity within authentic Mexican dishes and drink the colors of the coral reefs in extravagant cocktails. I’m so ready to stare deep into the bluest eyes known on earth, so calm, ever in motion.

My camera will not leave my side. Ever. (Except for the pool, I suppose.)

TWENTY THREE DAYS

I dreamed

of a summer in another place, far enough from home.
where I could make new friends and stay in a dorm and go out on weekends,
take a sociology class and earn credit for it.
My dad shot down my dream again. He always does.
He says the pre-college program is a waste of time and money.
I’m going to try my best and get into the Hugh N. Boyd Journalism Diversity Program in Monmouth county university…that way I can get away from home, finally, by myself.

I hate how he doesn’t understand, I hate the opportunities i’m missing. I hate how I wasted Mr. Champagne’s time, asking him to write me one of the best letters I have ever read in my entire life. I hate that i’m a child, on the verge of growing up.
Yet…the rush of all these emotions at once is incredibly enthralling.

Claire proceeds on putting up her memorabilia on her wall vertical to her bed.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/8610514@N08/

Night Destroyer

I am utterly disappointed.
Sigh. Siiiiiiiiigh. My horoscope, once again, is right:
Friday, Mar 21, 2008
Withdrawing from emotional social contact is favored now, for even when you are with others you are likely to feel separate and alone. Sadness and disappointments in your personal life are also probable now. Inadequacies and flaws in your friends or lovers are particularly bothersome to you now, and you may feel that you have nearly exhausted your patience for dealing with these problems. It is a time to be quiet and to look objectively at how your relationships are going. Though not a pleasurable time, this can be a fruitful period in which to learn more about love and what you truly value.
_______________________________________________________
So, I think i’m disappointed because of what he says in his comments to his other friends. Like a first impression to me…well, I know he probably was joking around but still it was really vulgar and what not.
I suppose I should just leave him as an untouchable crush. Sigh. He’s probably just like any normal teenage guy. But isn’t that what you wanted? Hm, was it? Should I lower these standards I have? No, the question is, do I even have a chance. [Scoff]
I don’t know anymore.
My feelings and thoughts, magma. Clouds, rain, sticky tack and the mashing of buttons. Boggled.
_____________________________________
I’m editing NYC right now. I’ll put up the link soon.

Streets of Paris

[we took a weekend, drove to provo.
the snow was white and fluffy.
but a weekend in utah won’t fix what’s wrong with us.
the gray sky was vast and real cryptic above me.
i wanted you to love me like you used to do.

we took two weeks in the bahamas.
went out dancing every night.
tried to fight the creeping sense of dread with temporal things.
most of the time i guess i felt alright.
but i wanted you to love me like you used to do.

but you cannot run
and you cannot hide,
from the wreck we’ve made of our house,
and from the mess inside.

we went down to new orleans
one weekend in the spring.
looked hard for what we’d lost.
it was painful to admit it, but we couldn’t find a thing.
i wanted you to love me like you used to do.

we went to new york city in september.
took the train out of manhattan to the grand army stop.
found that bench we’d sat together on a thousand years ago
when i felt such love for you i thought my heart was gonna pop.
i wanted you to love me like you used to do.

but i cannot run.
and i can’t hide.
from the wreck we’ve made of our house.
from the mess inside. ]

This song makes me feel very melancholy.
I think it’s because I can relate to him.

Alex sang that song today. And when he sang it, he sounded sad too.
I think it’s just a sad song.
This mess inside.

Extraordinarily Busy.

The title explains all.
Even my horoscope explains all:

Monday, Mar 17, 2008
Hard work and concentrated effort are the key issues for this time period. You are faced with tasks that are tedious and difficult but which must be completed at this time. Fortunately, you have the mental concentration and stamina to tackle the tasks now but the demands are still more than you would like to cope with. This is a difficult time period, but at least your work is cut out for you. You are likely to discover flaws in your creative projects, neglected aspects of projects you are involved with, and tedious, detailed work that you have been putting off.

Blaaahh. It’s all true.
I miss the times when…I had time. Real time. And real fun, too.
This work is literally killing me, and party after party, they think it’s salvation.
I used to tell myself to go, you know, to relax from a week of work and just let loose and have fun, but.. fun?
Let’s go back.
Just for a little while.
___________________________________________
Pictures of NYC soon.

Their hard, cold bodies stand taller than we ever will.

I skipped school today to go to New York City.
I will be leaving soon. I’m not running away (although the idea sounds appealing)
It’s just me, Kate and Rita.
I’m bringing my camera.
________________________________
Oh glorious sun!
Bathe the city in gold light
And we shall all smile.